I'm No Angel

There are so many distractions out there in the world. The tv, the computer, your mind. It's so easy to get mixed up in all of it and not be sure which part of it all your supposed to be a part of. Do pick what feels safe? Or do you go with every option that you shouldn't?

I've been thinking about this so much. I've come to realize that college is just one big mind fuck. You think that you are going to be able to become a new person, that you will be stronger or funnier, or have more friends. But you are the same exact person that you started off as, but now you are...now I am....faced with all of these options....and all of these distractions.

It's so much easier to look at things and see all the shit that is there, why bother seeing the good things if you have to work to look for them. The shit is all laying right at the top of the pile isn't it? you don't even have to search. It's right there.

Is it really so wrong to be dangerous? Is it that bad to pick the stuff that you shouldn't? Because what's really going to happen? You'll fuck up. Right? That's what they all say. If you pick the bad stuff then you are on the road to dissapointment...to failure...to nowhere. Half the time I think "they" are right. That is usually where it leads. But tell me then, why, when I know where those things will take me, do I want to choose them for exactly that reason? It's scary to think that I thought I was a safe person, that I would never do bad things, but it was always inside me. That demon was always there, I had just been keeping her locked up all this time. But she's not locked up anymore. I'm letting her out. And she isn't going away for a while. Not yet. She has been away too long.

So I don't know where this is taking me now...where I am taking me now...but I'm not fighting it. I've done that too long already. I'm going with it. And whether or not I go down the road of disappointment and failure is entirely and unutterably up to chance. So I'm going to see where this is going to take me....let's hope I don't fuck up too bad.

Until next time....it's all just Hidden Secrets.